It's funny to read the emails from MoveOn.
You remember MoveOn, don't you? It's the organization based on "move on folks, quit attacking Bill Clinton for his Monica Lewinsky adultery, his perjury, and his impeachment, let's sweep them under the rug and pretend they never happened".
Forget about the corruption and lies of Clinton -- and "move on".
Well, they're at it again. The presidential race, in spite of massive mainstream media support for Obama, and in spite of Obama's relentless failures, false statements, and arrogance, is close. Too close for comfort.
The Chicago Style Political Machine in Washington, DC isn't doing too good. They're in a panic. A frenzy. And now they're trying to whip their supporters into subjection, to fulfill their goals.
Notice the tone, the demeaning way MoveOn is talking to its members.
In violating direct response marketing fundamentals, they give a command ("Click this link....") , then assume the command is being disobeyed, then they launch into berating the reader of their email. Then they give another command, immediately followed by the assumption that the command is going to be ignored.
Then they get so frustrated, with IMAGINED disobedience, they tell a lie. They make up a false story about Bill Clinton specifically asking about the reader of this email, by name. Then they admit it's a lie, "but truthy".
Crazy. Pathetic. It's like they're in melt-down mode and can't think straight.
Their desperation and frustration builds into a bizarre frenzy -- that ends with maniacal multiple post scripts.
Callers needed in Peoria: 7 Callers signed up so far: 5
Dear MoveOn member,
Can you call MoveOn members in swing states today?
Hint: The answer is "Yes!"
Have plans? Cancel them.
Can't cancel? Postpone.
If you got sick, you'd find some way to reschedule your other stuff, right?
And this is way more important than illness. This is the, uh, FUTURE OF AMERICA we're talking about--and it could come down to how many volunteers we can sign up in important states like Ohio and Colorado.
You know how to click a mouse, right?
Sure! You clicked on this email. Perfect. So all you have to do is click this link: Yes, I'll call Ohio, Colorado, and other swing states today and sign up some volunteers.
Thanks, you're the best!
This entire election is going to come down to turnout. And the key to that is awesome, amazing, good-looking MoveOn members just like you calling other members in swing states and signing them up to reach out to would-be Obama voters during the final push.
So give yourself a pat on the back for signing--
Wait--why are you still reading this? It must be that... no it couldn't be... but it...
Did you not click the link?!?
OK, let's not get hysterical. No reason to overreact.
There's still plenty of time to volunteer if you CLICK THIS LINK RIGHT NOW: Yes, I'll call MoveOn members in Ohio, Virginia, and other swing states.
So... um... why haven't you clicked yet?
Are you scared of volunteering?
Really don't be.
Volunteering is great: You get to meet people, have fun, and save your country from being taken over by Mitt Romney.
Here's what's really scary: doing other stuff and not volunteering. Why? Because who knows what trouble you'll get in doing other stuff. You better click this link right away to make calls immediately: Yes, I'll call swing states today.
Still no? Maybe it's something with the link.
Want a link that goes to the same page but has different words?
Boom: OMG I can't believe how much I want to call!!!!!
Or would you prefer a link all written-out in HTML with the "http" and the backslashes and what not?
Here ya go: [URL deleted].
Still haven't clicked?
Alright look, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I guess I've got to pull out all the stops: Bill Clinton called me up personally on the phone and asked if you--yes, you--were going to be helping out between now and Election Day.
Bill's counting on you to help us win. True story.
(Note: Not a true story. But definitely a truthy story. Bill is counting on people like you. And you are, inherently, a person like yourself. Think about it: Who's more like you than you?)
So can you click below to volunteer before the polls close?
Yes, I'll call some MoveOn members in swing states.
Thanks for all you do (especially the volunteering over the NEXT 3 DAYS--thanks extra-much for that).
--Robin, Emily, Victoria, Adam, and the rest of the team
P.S. If you didn't read the email above, let me restate it really quickly for you here in this convenient postscript: We have a lot of calls to make and volunteers to sign up before Tuesday. Click here to start: Yes, I'll make calls right now.
P.P.S. If you didn't read the P.S. above, or the email above that, or the P.P.P.S below this, why are you reading this P.P.S.? Why not just read the other stuff? So much easier, don't you think?
P.P.P.S. This entire paragraph is ONE GIANT LINK for you to sign up to help out for just 15 minutes in the next 3 days--the most important 3 days ever in the history of 3-day periods of time.
P.P.P.P.S. Wait, are you still reading because you are making calls already right now?
That makes sense. In that case, thanks--keep it up! Want to support our work? We're entirely funded by our 7 million members--no corporate contributions, no big checks from CEOs. And our tiny staff ensures that small contributions go a long way.
Chip in here.