Friday, March 25, 2011

Virgins: Is There a Shortage or Have Qualifications Been Lowered?

Al Qaeda virgin Rationing? I've sometimes wondered myself where all these virgins come from, what are their ages, what do they look like, whether they wear burkas or the new French bikini, or long underwear, locked metal chastity belts, what old man earthly mullah tests their chastity qualifications first, whether they show only their eyes when copulating....? And what about the women martyrs. Where would Osama find anywhere a virgin male among the middle east Muslim population of terrorists? Don't most of them raise sheep and fowl?

Or, especially, if these men visited Hollywood or Copenhagen or Bangkok?

And what happens to all the babies born to these millions of virgins? At what age do they start terrorist training? History tells us that their education is mainly restricted to memorizing the Koran. Where do they study and what is graduation age? Nine, ten......Or would these newborn, female or male, of the virgins, become virgins included among the 72 promised virgins per male? Or female martyr?

Some will find humor in this attachment but I can only find sorrow in a group of people lacking so much in self-esteem, so jealous of a modern lifestyle and being so lacking in common sense. Wonder if they are pressed to accept virgin lesbians, virgin transvestites, virgin bi-sexuals, 10 year olds, born again virgins, any ethnic group or non-human virgins?

All "kill the infidels" Muslims of course. Not my Muslims friends who are secular or at least, take a lot of the Koran "with a grain of salt".

Some will consider this as sick humor. Sobeit. I'll admit my major interest is that the "martyrs" be detained or killed before detonation. And that Osama and his ilk get to find out if there are any virgins left when they get there. Bin, you best hurry along.

We'll miss you.


BBC News Thursday (humor)

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25%
this February from 72 to 54. A company spokesman said increases in recent
years in the number of suicide bombings have resulted in a shortage of
virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was
unacceptable to its members and called for strike vote. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda
chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "I sympathize with our workers'
concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.
They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a
competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic
shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing
expenditure or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits, but I'd hate
to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland ,
Wales , and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not
hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of
suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing
star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim jihadists now know what a virgin looks like
and have reconsidered their benefit packages.


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